Fear, Thankfulness and a bad driving metaphor

So we're well into October and the weather here makes me not want to leave the house. I'm still wondering where September went and as I look over my planning sheet it feels as if the next 3 weeks of this month could disappear just as quickly. In a number of my emails this week I've written that I hope to be back at the end of October... or early November. I'm hoping to squeeze maybe another new appointment in whilst also trying to be realistic about what trips to make and what's possible in the short timeframe I have before hopefully returning to Vienna.

After a bit of a rocky patch and the need to re-evaluate things this summer, it's been good to have a new goal, a next step that I feel God has prepared for me. I left my teaching job in Vienna at the end of August (not my original plan this summer) with the aim of doing more full-time support raising here and reaching a level of financial support for a year's full-time work in Vienna. If I get back and can start next month, I will actually have enough euros in my account to actually pay rent and buy groceries until payday at the end of the month. And it would be really great to get back to Vienna and into the office after my extended stay at home, despite how lovely it has been.

So why am I writing all this today? Well, God has given me some wonderful surprises over the summer with new supporters and gifts to my fund. It has meant that when I made the decision to stay longer, the goal of returning in November was a realistic one. And it's continued to feel that way over the past weeks. Yet with the end of October now in sight, I find it very easy to slip between optimism and fear. And today's one of the days where the latter is the dominant emotion. It's amazing how I can look at the same set of figures one day and be encouraged, and on the next day start wondering whether things are going to come together; I remember certain pieces of information and forget others depending on my prevailing mood. And it's easy to forget to be thankful for gifts already received when I'm busy worrying that other things may not happen. 

I need to keep coming to God, to keep practising the art of thankfulness, and trust too. I'd like to bring my plans, hopes and questions to Him more often and be willing to move aside from the driving seat I've constructed, letting Him control the route, speed and destination. Amen.