A Self-Check List

I'm quite proud of last week's blog post, which means I'm feeling a lack of inspiration this week. I feel a dearth of eloquent words (assuming I had them last time) and a lack of amusing anecdotes. I could tell you that last week I managed to only top-up my Oyster card once, stretching both the £15 and my legs (lots of walking places). I could tell you that I turned a year older and was feeling pretty good about it until Vicky told me I no longer get to tick 18-25 box on forms. There is no earthly- or other- reason why the next box up should bother me but we all seem to get a bit weird about the age thing.

On Monday I was back in Wales and with the birthday weekend firmly behind me it was time to get back to work. I realised that my summer of initial Support Raising in the UK is beginning to draw to an end. I've started evaluating the situation, which would be a sensible thing to do. Yet I realised the more accurate term for what I was doing was worrying. I was allowing the question 'have I done enough?' to seep down into me, and that meant my perspective on things was getting a bit out of whack. Somewhere in the midst of some scrambled thoughts, prayers and the frustration of  feeling like I never get work done on Mondays, I felt God spelling out the following: 

Feeling humble, feeling a bit uncomfortable, feeling the fear, and being a beginner are not bad things. They are part of the Support Raising deal. They're the things that keep you grounded when people start giving you money, and they remind you who's in charge. They remind you that working in Christian ministry is about something and someone so much greater than you are, regardless of whether you're a veteran on the field or the new kid in the class. 

I'm still working on fully accepting these truths and I have a feeling that's part of the longer journey, which requires me to look at what I base notions of success and self-worth on. You can't get an upgrade to a business-class version of Support Raising or fast-track the process. God doesn't want it any other way. And I think, I probably don't either...